THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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