how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
