Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
