Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
