He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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