I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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