Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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