I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
