He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
