just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
