How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
