I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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