ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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