My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
