Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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