i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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