It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
