i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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