bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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