some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
