My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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