I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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