You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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