you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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