For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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