he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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