So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I intend to get homeless drunk
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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