my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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