last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
