I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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