I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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