When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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