matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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