you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
