he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
