someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
