just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
