I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
