Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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