Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
