Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize