Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
