His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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