I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
