I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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