i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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