I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
