If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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