btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
