so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
