I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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