i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
