Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
