everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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