Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
