is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
