My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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