your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
