I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
