I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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