Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
