my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
