I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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