got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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