would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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