I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
