I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
