i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
