i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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