i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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