I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
